It’s been a long time since you felt peace
In the valley you made where you’re not meant to be
Where the shame throws shadows on you
But don’t you forget
That you’re headed to more
But you’ve settled for less
Don’t buy the lie “it’s as good as it gets”
The same feet that left you lost and alone
Are the very same feet that can bring you back home
Wherever you are, whatever you did
It’s a page in your book, but it isn’t the end
-Prodigal by Sidewalk Prophets
So, it’s been a while since I’ve posted anything. I’ve jotted down ideas. I’ve written out posts only to delete them. I’ve even had people (okay, maybe just one person :p) ask me when I was going to write another blog post.
Yet, every time I’ve tried, I have heard a little voice in the back of my head telling me that my words are wrong. That no one cares what I have to say. Telling me that even if I have thought of something great to share, my message would be tainted by the things I’ve done.
And I’ve believed that little voice.
I’ve let shame get the best of me.
I have been hiding from the internet, all (two) of you out there.
But that’s the thing about shame. It steals your confidence. It steals your self-worth. It digs into the darkest corners of your mind and drags out all of those insecurities, mistakes, and otherwise unpretty things you thought you’d hidden well away. It traps you under the weight of them and makes you believe you’ll be stuck there forever.
And, if you listen to that little voice, if you never find a way to break free, you just may stay trapped under that weight.
I have chosen to cast it aside.
I have realized that I have been inspired and learned many valuable lessons through stories others have to share. You can learn so much from the strength and honesty of others. Not to mention that feeling of release when you realize- you’re not the only one.
So, in a nutshell, this is my story. I had plans for my life. Those plans, albeit quite vague, were leading me to an unbelievably incredible destination. This perfect point where everything would fall into place. I just needed to find that missing piece. Pretty naïve, huh?
The journey, however, did lead me on an incredible adventure. I didn’t plan on becoming a mother along the way, of marrying an incredible man, or facing any of the challenges that came/will come along with this adventure.
But I've realized that it is so important to wake up thankful for each day.
That there is no “happy ending” to chase after, but rather a happy now to enjoy.
I won’t let the circumstances of my blessings keep me in the dark any longer. I'm proud of who I am and what I've accomplished in my life. I don't have it all figured out... not even half of it... but I'm living each day in love and trying to find my way back to freedom.
Live & love,
Katey
