Great Expectations

I recently stumbled across a note I wrote, inspired by some very wise words. This note, which is at least a year old, sparked something in me. It made me realize that no matter how much you grow and learn, sometimes you're not as smart as you once were. 

"You know when you learn something, and you have that moment of extreme clarity? When you think to yourself 'This will be life changing!' Those times when someone speaks truth right into your situation or circumstances? I had one of those moments of clarity. My bible study leader told me that we should not expect anything from people. Not in a cynical, nobody-will-ever-care-about-me, people suck kinda way. Just that when we rely on God, we don't need to be filled by anyone or anything else. When we get frustrated, disappointed, angry... It's all because that one person didn't say the right thing. They didn't come to the rescue when we needed them. Someone forgot to let you know you were special, in whatever way, and we take it personally. God doesn't want that for us. He wants us to have an abundant life. I'm writing this because I realized I do still think people suck. My heart longs to be pursued, to be treasured, to be cherished. I want someone to call out a beauty in me that I didn't realize was there. I want someone to know my heart and desire to have a place there. But, ultimately, what am I living for? Satisfaction now? Or something eternal? I am fighting- tooth and nail- for a greater glory. Not for myself, but for the only one worth glorifying. Someone who does love and treasure me. Someone who cherishes my heart. Someone who holds me dear. He publicly declared His love for me, and sometimes I have a hard time reciprocating that. I want to be bold; unyielding.  I know that in time, His plans will fall into place, but it won't happen because of anything I do. I am not in control. I can see only a tiny stroke of paint on a vast canvas. God can see the whole picture. He knows what beauty lies ahead. I can't wait to discover it."

My best friend and I have had many conversations over the years about how having expectations for a person or situation can ultimately reduce your satisfaction in that person or situation. 

Dictionary.com defines expectations as "the act or the state of expecting" and to expect as "to look forward to; regard as likely to happen; anticipate the occurrence or the coming of." 

On a more cynical, and possibly realistic, note, Urban Dictionary defines expectations as "a guaranteed way for you to make sure that people will consistently disappoint you."  

Being human, it is impossible for us to be perfect. Everyone is different. Everyone has their own nuances, backgrounds, personalities, likes, dislikes, etc. that make them who they are. And it is beautiful that we can live in a world with such diversity. There are so many things to appreciate about others. 

Just today, as I was training the new volunteers here in Quito, we were discussing how having a lot of expectations or preconceptions about their time here in Ecuador could ultimately ruin the experience for them. How it is better to take each moment for what it is and forget about what they think is should be. Life just doesn't work that way. We can't always have things exactly as we want. We can't control people. We cannot decide, ultimately, how things will turn out. Keeping that white-knuckle grip on life has the potential to damage the whole experience completely.

I have to remind myself of this almost every day. I want so much from people. To feel loved. To be appreciated. To be recognized for the effort that I put it. To have my feelings and actions reciprocated. And, I must admit, I am quite often let down. My heart is so full of everything I hope for and desire; it's difficult to step back and allow life to be what it is. To remember that we're all human. That not everyone is the same, and that's a beautiful thing. 

Often, I find myself trying to view a situation from someone else's perspective.  I'm sure that I have let down a fair number of people, simply because they expected something from me that I, without realizing, did not give them. I would never want anyone to feel that I wasn't living up to some standard that they set. I am flawed. It is absolutely in my nature. This is something that I cannot change. An irrefutable fact.

I just hope that I can continue to learn this lesson, maybe to the point of mastery, so that I no longer feel the bond of expectation and the pain that comes with disappointment. 


Live and Love <3
Katey



Ephesians 3:20