An Endless Cycle

"Yes we live uncertainty and disappointments have to be,

and every day we might be facing more...

And yes we live in desperate times...

Say love, say for me love."

-Avett Brothers

Lately, I've been thinking a lot about all of the hatred in the world. With racial issues, animal abuse, LGBT announcements, and hate crimes trending on my FB newsfeed, it's pretty hard not to notice the upward trend in people feeling/expressing malice towards others- even from 2,500 miles away.

As a girl raised in the south, with family from up north, and friends scattered across the country and the globe, I have seen opinions and thoughts from all sides of these current events on social media. I've seen religious propaganda supporting and berating the legalization of gay marriage.  I've seen friends speak in favor of or in opposition to the removal of the Confederate Flag. I think it's great that we all have the freedom to express our opinions. And of course, people are different. We are all human. Our beliefs reflect many complicated and diverse factors that have influenced our lives.

The problem I see is a lack of respect for other people's opinions, a cultivation of unwarranted hatred, and a burning desire in people to always be right and to always have the last word. As I mentioned before, everyone has the basic human right to express themselves. But what benefit is their in doing so in hateful manner? Have you ever felt persuaded to change your mind about an issue because someone insulted you? Slew curse words at you? Belittled you or your point of view?

What I don't understand is how/why people can have so much hatred in their hearts. I have never believed that my animosity towards someone or something could change anything. It's human nature to be passionate about things. When we are passionate about things, we like to instill that same passion in others. Sometimes, we can't contain it. But, again, everyone is not the same. You cannot force someone into thinking the same way as you. That sounds a lot like a scary dystopia novel.

If you believe that you are entitled to share your thoughts and feelings with the world, then what makes you believe that another person, another human, born into the world just the same as you, does not have that same right? What has happened to civilized and educated conversations? Why are we arguing about things of no consequence and disparaging others?

I guess my whole way of thinking is influenced by (as cliché as it sounds) the golden rule. "Do unto others as you would have them to unto you." I, personally, always try to treat others the way I would like to be treated. Of course, as I am not perfect, I fail sometimes, but the point is I am conscious of this effort. It breaks my heart to see how people are treated, even on social media. A simple photo or video can quickly gather comments and people are swift to lash out against the publisher for minute details.

"The Golden Rule or ethic of reciprocity is a maxim, ethical code or morality that essentially states either of the following:

• One should treat others as one would like others to treat oneself (directive form).

• One should not treat others in ways that one would not like to be treated (cautionary form)

This concept describes a "reciprocal", or "two-way", relationship between one's self and others that involves both sides equally, and in a mutual fashion."

God created us all to be individuals. We have our own thoughts, emotions, and inclinations. My intention in writing this is not to criticize anyone, but rather (hopefully) provoke the masses (a.k.a the five people that actually read my blog) into being more conscientious when posting on social media and to initiate conversations with others about the topic. Why not reach out in love rather than fervent anger and hatred?

Here's to hoping.


Live and love,
Katey <3



Romans 13:10

Great Expectations

I recently stumbled across a note I wrote, inspired by some very wise words. This note, which is at least a year old, sparked something in me. It made me realize that no matter how much you grow and learn, sometimes you're not as smart as you once were. 

"You know when you learn something, and you have that moment of extreme clarity? When you think to yourself 'This will be life changing!' Those times when someone speaks truth right into your situation or circumstances? I had one of those moments of clarity. My bible study leader told me that we should not expect anything from people. Not in a cynical, nobody-will-ever-care-about-me, people suck kinda way. Just that when we rely on God, we don't need to be filled by anyone or anything else. When we get frustrated, disappointed, angry... It's all because that one person didn't say the right thing. They didn't come to the rescue when we needed them. Someone forgot to let you know you were special, in whatever way, and we take it personally. God doesn't want that for us. He wants us to have an abundant life. I'm writing this because I realized I do still think people suck. My heart longs to be pursued, to be treasured, to be cherished. I want someone to call out a beauty in me that I didn't realize was there. I want someone to know my heart and desire to have a place there. But, ultimately, what am I living for? Satisfaction now? Or something eternal? I am fighting- tooth and nail- for a greater glory. Not for myself, but for the only one worth glorifying. Someone who does love and treasure me. Someone who cherishes my heart. Someone who holds me dear. He publicly declared His love for me, and sometimes I have a hard time reciprocating that. I want to be bold; unyielding.  I know that in time, His plans will fall into place, but it won't happen because of anything I do. I am not in control. I can see only a tiny stroke of paint on a vast canvas. God can see the whole picture. He knows what beauty lies ahead. I can't wait to discover it."

My best friend and I have had many conversations over the years about how having expectations for a person or situation can ultimately reduce your satisfaction in that person or situation. 

Dictionary.com defines expectations as "the act or the state of expecting" and to expect as "to look forward to; regard as likely to happen; anticipate the occurrence or the coming of." 

On a more cynical, and possibly realistic, note, Urban Dictionary defines expectations as "a guaranteed way for you to make sure that people will consistently disappoint you."  

Being human, it is impossible for us to be perfect. Everyone is different. Everyone has their own nuances, backgrounds, personalities, likes, dislikes, etc. that make them who they are. And it is beautiful that we can live in a world with such diversity. There are so many things to appreciate about others. 

Just today, as I was training the new volunteers here in Quito, we were discussing how having a lot of expectations or preconceptions about their time here in Ecuador could ultimately ruin the experience for them. How it is better to take each moment for what it is and forget about what they think is should be. Life just doesn't work that way. We can't always have things exactly as we want. We can't control people. We cannot decide, ultimately, how things will turn out. Keeping that white-knuckle grip on life has the potential to damage the whole experience completely.

I have to remind myself of this almost every day. I want so much from people. To feel loved. To be appreciated. To be recognized for the effort that I put it. To have my feelings and actions reciprocated. And, I must admit, I am quite often let down. My heart is so full of everything I hope for and desire; it's difficult to step back and allow life to be what it is. To remember that we're all human. That not everyone is the same, and that's a beautiful thing. 

Often, I find myself trying to view a situation from someone else's perspective.  I'm sure that I have let down a fair number of people, simply because they expected something from me that I, without realizing, did not give them. I would never want anyone to feel that I wasn't living up to some standard that they set. I am flawed. It is absolutely in my nature. This is something that I cannot change. An irrefutable fact.

I just hope that I can continue to learn this lesson, maybe to the point of mastery, so that I no longer feel the bond of expectation and the pain that comes with disappointment. 


Live and Love <3
Katey



Ephesians 3:20

Embracing the Unknown

"It seems like everywhere I go, the more I see the less I know."

- Michael Franti

I haven’t seen a lot of the world. Just a small corner. I’ve travelled to a few states and one country outside of the U.S. But within these few places, I have seen and learned so much. Each time I learn something new, I realize how much bigger the world is than just my narrow view of it. When I travel, I marvel at the new things I discover and understand how much more there is to learn, how much more the world has to teach me. 

When you travel outside of your comfort zone, you cannot avoid being exposed to new ideas, customs, and culture. I’ve never had a great ability to see things in black and white, only shades of gray. Learning more about the world only makes those shades of gray more varied. Whatever you know as normal, acceptable, or even expected, may not even exist in another part of the world. This isn’t something that should make you uncomfortable, but should be celebrated. The diversity in the world is what makes life so incredible.

The greatest advantage to getting out there in the world  is gaining a new or fresh perspective. Like a picture analyzed too closely, you may not get all of the details if you never take a step back and allow yourself to take in all there is to see.  You have to put yourself outside of what you know. Like when you're working on a riddle you can’t figure out, and suddenly, in the middle of something completely unrelated, the answer comes to you. 

For example, in the Amazon Region of Ecuador, you can encounter many exotic plants and animals. There also tribes of people who live their lives, day to day, tucked away in their corner of the world. They have their own customs and traditions. Some that you may find very strange. When they are welcoming you to their village, they may offer you “chicha masticada,” which is a drink usually made of yuca. Women in the village chew the yuca root and spit the juice into a container. This juice is then offered to guests and it is considered extremely offensive if a guest refuses the drink. 

Another custom that was very different for me when I first arrived in Ecuador was seating at almuerzo, or lunch, restaurants. There are numerous restaurants that offer a basic, fixed menu each day at a very affordable price of $2-4.00. This price typically includes fresh juice, soup, rice, some type of vegetable, a meat, and occasionally a dessert as well. 

As you can imagine, these spots are very popular. If you arrive during a busy time, you may find there are no empty tables. However, instead of waiting for a table to clear, the custom is to join another customer at a table with the appropriate number of empty seats. For example, if you and a friend go out to lunch and there is a couple eating with two empty seats at their table, it is perfectly acceptable to plop down at the table with the simple greeting of buen provecho, which is a similar expression to bon appetite. 

All of these things just teach you the intricacies of human societies and how diverse the world truly is. I love getting out into different areas and being exposed to the world in ways that I haven’t been before.

Another small example: I was recently blessed with the opportunity to visit The Galapagos Islands. It was an expensive trip, but a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. Seeing the unique wildlife, pristine beaches and the similarities and differences between the islands and the mainland of Ecuador taught me more than one valuable lesson. Because the islands have fewer inhabitants, there is a distinct small-town feel. In contrast to Quito, people were very friendly… not that Quiteños aren’t friendly, they just aren’t the same type of say-hello-as-you-pass-by friendly. 

There was less traffic, less catcalling, and less crime. As the islands are full of gringos and travelers from across the globe, the culture is much different. People carry their expensive cameras around their necks (in public!) with no fear that they will be robbed. Children play on tablets in the middle of the streets... These are things you would not see in many places in Ecuador, especially in a city like Quito.

Apart from the local culture of the islands, there are also incredible sights to see. I got to swim with sharks, hike on a active volcano, play with sea lions, and take in all of the native animals on the islands. I remember watching a video in my 11th grade FF biology class about Charles Darwin and these Incredible Islands where he discovered so many cool things. Actually stepping foot onto some of those islands felt a little surreal. 

As many amazing things as I experienced, I know there are so many more adventures out there waiting for someone else to grab ahold of them. I’ve allowed this country and it’s people to teach me so much more about the world and myself. I know that as I get older and venture further out into the unknown, I will continue to be awed by the simplicity and complexity of it all. 

Simple.

"Every starry night, that was His design."
Chris August

I stepped outside tonight and couldn't help but notice the stars shining brightly in the sky. This is a little unusual here in Ecuador because it's normally cloudy. I have so many good memories of starry nights and they evoke such awe and wonder. God is a true artist.

The subtle twinkle, the crisp edge of the night air... Everything takes me to a place of complete and utter serenity. Amidst trials and uncertainty, the world spins a little slower and life seems less complicated under such a magnificent blanket of perfection. I think I could lie awake and stare at the sky for hours. 

When I was young, my dad and I used to walk (or sometimes I'd ride on his shoulders) down the dirt road that led from our house to the campground. He'd point out constellations and I'd eagerly try to memorize the positions of all the stars. There's something about being so enraptured by a moment that you forget about everything else. 

Something about being out, surrounded by the vast and seemingly unending sky, stretching on as far as the eye can see, that reminds you of the true simplicity of life. No matter how many complications we add, the basic idea doesn't change. I so appreciate this reminder. The simplest things always seem to find a way into my heart. 

I can remember countless camping trips, stepping out of the warmth of the tent into the cold night air only to be immediately awestruck by the masterpiece above my head. I do not know why I am so drawn to the marvels of the heavens, but, no matter how many days or years pass, my fascination does not change. I'm sure I'm waxing a little poetic here, but inspiration brings out the wannabe poet in me.

Maybe God created that captivating night sky as a reminder to stop, take a breath, and remember all the things we should be focused on.

Romanticism and Timelines

"We travel, not to escape life, but for life not to escape us."

-Anonymous 

Some days, I’m on top of the world. Other days, I feel lost. The majority of days, I’d say, are spent feeling somewhere in between- along the lines of content or satisfied with the normalcy, the routine of it all. I wouldn’t label myself as the type of person who particularly enjoys routines. Then again, maybe I do find a secret thrill in knowing that a certain thing will happen each day. Maybe I’m more a fan of dependability than routine. I like knowing I can count on things… and people.

That being said, I’ve never been one to plan ahead. I rely on my gut, my intuition, and feelings to guide me through life. I don’t like to contemplate long term possibilities. It’s overwhelming to imagine myself, some time down the road, married, with x amount of kids, living x number of miles from my family. I don’t know what my career will be, what my hobbies will be, or- honestly- even where I’ll be. I love change. I adapt so easily to new environments. I look at new experiences as adventures that could lead me to somewhere I’ve never been and teach me even more about the intricate and simple beauties of life. I find a life of endless routine mundane. Does this mean I have a restless heart? Maybe.  Somewhere inside, I feel like I’ve been taught this is wrong. That I should somehow be ashamed of my wanderlust and desire for something as beautiful and simple as an adventure. But I'm not. 

I have amazing people in my life.  My friends and family are constant recipients of my warmest affections. I love spending hours laughing with my sister because we act like giant goofballs together. I could spend every day watching Frozen and drinking wine with my best friend, falling asleep at 10 o’clock together because we’re such grannies and can’t keep our eyes open any longer. I enjoy walks in the park with that one friend who always makes me laugh and always keeps it real; who doesn’t make any judgments and has such a pure spirit. I have amazing people in my life. 

But then, when I stop to think about my life now, as in this moment, I realize that all of those things are memories. Those people are still a part of my life, but in a different way. I still love them. They still love me. But, due to certain circumstances (i.e. me being in a different hemisphere), the nature of those relationships has changed. That doesn’t mean I have been left without love in my life. The people in Ecuador have been extremely welcoming and friendly. I have an amazingly warm host family. I have an incredible friend who I know would do anything for me (and I the same for her). Someone I can call up (slaaaash send a message to) and know that she’ll be down for whatever crazy scheme I’ve hatched. 

When I count my blessings, it’s definitely not a short list. However, I still don’t know how to fit all of the pieces together. I’ve discovered a few passions in my life, but don’t know what to do with them. 

In my eight and a half months in Ecuador, I’ve completely fallen in love with many things here (and developed contempt for others). It’s difficult to imagine myself, as I am now, returning to the U.S. and trying to fit who I am into the shadow of who I used to be. I can’t say that all of the changes I’ve made have been for the better, but they are part of me. There is something so freeing about pushing yourself to survive in a harsh and foreign environment. I can’t imagine packing myself up and forcing myself back into the commercialism-centered life I lived before. Here, I enjoy the simple things in life so much more. It’s harder to take things for granted when you can immediately see how lucky you are. Here, time spent with people is much more of a focus than in the States. It’s not about an activity that you’re doing, or how many photos you can take to upload to instagram  (I usually still snag a few, of course!), it’s about hanging out and enjoying someone’s company. Getting back to the simple romantics of pure friendships and relationships. 

This is only touching on what I love about Ecuador. Without mentioning how miserable I was last year working in the States compared to a relatively stress-free and enjoyable job here. Without going into detail about the incredible biodiversity this country offers and the thrill of discovering something unlike anything you’ve ever seen before. I could go on and on about the constant state of wonder I’m stuck in. 

Even so, my time here is growing short. When I consider the fact that I’ve been here eight months and have only four more to go, it’s hard to believe. How could I already be more than halfway done? On one hand, I feel like I’ve been here forever. On the other, I feel like there is still so much I don’t know; so much I haven’t done or learned. Will four months be enough? 

With adult responsibilities and debts looming over my head, I’m mentally preparing for my return to the States. I’m excited to eat all the foods I’ve been missing, get Mexican and margaritas with the girls, to be able to cook again… I’ll be happy to see my friends and family again, to spend hours in my sweats eating junk food with my sister. But I can’t help but wonder… what more could I discover if I stayed just a little longer? My heart doesn’t want to let go of all the things I’ve romanticized here. There is a true pain, I think, in learning to love more than one place.

Keep Your Eyes Open

Does anyone else wonder what happens to the time? As I sit here, experiencing the chill of "winter" on the equator, I can't believe that in a few short days it will be April and I have been living in Ecuador for almost 8 months. When I take the time to count the days, it seems crazy. I don't feel like that much has changed, but then again maybe I've just become accustomed to life here. It's strange to think about how truly adaptable humans are and how capable we are of creating a new normal. My pensive mind could go on and on about this forever, but on to other topics!

Last week, I had the privilege of hosting my dad and sister here in Ecuador. I never dreamed that anyone would be able to make the trip down to visit me, let alone these two. When I first started pestering my dad, he was dead set against the idea. How quickly things can change! Their visit was short, but we got to visit my favorite city in Ecuador and explore some new places together. One of my dad's top requests was to visit some ruins while he was here, so we made the journey down south to the charming town of Cuenca. The town is located just south of Ingapirca, which is the site of the largest known Inca ruins in Ecuador.

As we explored the area, we came across a local chopping firewood on the edge of his property. This man seemed fascinated to meet Americans wandering around the fields surrounding the main ruins. He was genuinely curious and interested to learn what we were doing in Ecuador and our thoughts on the country. As always, I only had positive things to say- how much I love the generous and friendly people here, the allure of travelling, my fascination with the beautiful sights. This man was quick to remind me that life in Ecuador is difficult. The people face a daily struggle. Work can be scarce and, when found, can be grueling. Money is tight and poorly distributed. During my time in the city, I have become disconnected with this population. It is easy to forget about the people striving to survive when you get caught up in the "hustle and bustle" of city life. As a reflect on this, I realize what a shame it is. When you look at things from such a skewed perspective, what do you really see? How much do you really see? I'm deviating from my original point, but I wanted to share this story. God shows me so many lessons in the smallest moments.

While my family was here, I taught them a few essential lessons for making it through a day in Ecuador. They learned how to use the bus system (and how long it takes to get around this way). They tasted several types of popular juices here (how can you not enjoy a nice glass of jugo de tomate del arbol?!). They realized how difficult it can be to communicate with people who speak another language and they experienced the beauty of the towering mountains and roaming fields. In reality, they need to make another visit in order to truly experience the country, but we made the most of our time!

After they left, I had a day to relax before getting back to work. We started a new cycle this week, and I am teaching a new level. Previously, I have taught Basic 2, Advanced 1 & 2, and substituted in everything from beginner to advanced levels. Now, I am teaching two groups of "Academic" students. I think some of them know more about grammar than I do! (Okay, fine, most of them). The beauty of being a teacher is that students usually trust that you're an expert. I am enjoying learning the curriculum along with my students and revisiting concepts I haven't even thought about since elementary school.

Luckily, next week we have two days off of work for Semana Santa (Holy Week) in order to rest and catch up on work. By catch up on work I, of course, mean relax on the beach! For now, it's back to the grind!

Live and love
Katey <3

The Beauty is in the Details

"Some old-fashioned things, like fresh air and sunshine, are hard to beat." 

- Laura Ingalls Wilder

Living in a foreign country is an amazing opportunity. I have the chance to travel, to really learn a new language, to discover myself and unlock more of life’s hidden beauties. It is so easy to be inspired and awed in a place as captivating as this. I wake up every morning excited to see what love letter has been written for me. Whether it’s a city so full of fog that you can’t see the street lights below, or a snow-capped volcano showing itself in the fading light of day. I spend much of my time looking up, face turned towards the sun, marveling at how a simple patch of blue sky or cluster of dark clouds can make me feel so elated. 

Speaking of the beautiful things in life, I recently moved in with an amazing Ecuadorian family. I’ve been here just over a month, and I feel as though I’m part of the family. I was instantly accepted and welcomed with genuine warmness. This is one thing I love about many of the people I’ve had the opportunity to meet. It doesn’t really matter how well you know them, they are happy to help and eager to please. I’m not saying this is the case with everyone, but I have experienced it more than once. I will say, I think my family goes above and beyond the norm.

I have also been thoroughly enjoying my job and the students I teach. My teaching schedule has the perfect amount of structure and flexibility. I can follow the set schedule for content while adding in my own activities. The student culture in Ecuador is so different from that in the states. For the most part, students are very respectful of teachers here and most have a very real desire to learn English. Many students say they want to learn “Because English is the most important language in the World.” I’m not sure of the accuracy of that statement, but it warms my heart to see them working so hard to ensure a better future for themselves. 

On the same note, I have been taking two different Spanish classes and, of course, practicing with my host family, Ecuadorian friends, and people that I meet in stores and restaurants. I don’t take taxis nearly as often as I did before my move, so I don’t encounter nearly as many creepy old men asking me when we can go out dancing together. (Yay!) My Spanish has improved so much in my six months here. I’ve always loved learning the language, but it was much more difficult in schools in the U.S. One of my proudest moments was when someone from a different city told me I had a quiteña accent. Now, if I ever have the opportunity to travel to another Spanish speaking country, it will be hard drop my ecua-isms. Maybe that’s okay. 

In a few weeks, my dad and my sister will be coming to visit. I have been busy planning all of the fun things that we will do. It’s been extremely difficult since they’ll only be here for a week… I need at least a month! :D I’ll take this as an opportunity to remind everyone that you are all invited to come visit! It’s hard to believe that February is almost over and in just a few more months I’ll be making another life changing move (back to the States). I have finally gotten used to my daily life here. The ability to walk everywhere (I know that makes my dad happy… no more awkward bus/taxi situations), the rhythm of the day to day. The predictable unpredictability of the weather. The breathtaking views of the volcanoes that outline the city. My heart still longs for the tall trees, green hills, and country fences of home, but, for now, I am content.